Why Disco?
by vansen58
Summary: Mark has a lot of questions on his way back to Earth. But first things first.


**Why Disco?**

It has been three days since Mark was safe aboard the Hermes, on his way to Earth. Three days and he has slept through most of it.

Lewis has visited him, quite a few times. Always when he was asleep. The sight of him, his emaciated body, the dark, dark circles around his eyes… it was too much. She kept hearing Johanssen's voice screaming his name on her head, the rush of the wind….

She left him behind.

As the commander, Lewis tried to walk the fine line between caring for her crew and caring too much _about_ her crew. She needed to be friends with all of them, it was mission-critical, they all had to live together on a tight ship for way too long. But she also needed them to respect her authority, her command… she couldn't be _too_ friendly. She had to keep her distance.

And she managed that. She did. With all of them, but one. But Mark Watney.

Watney was a brat. He never questioned her authority and he never, ever joked when she was being serious. But the rest of the time… he just wouldn't shut up. And more than once or a dozen times he managed to force a laugh out of her before she even noticed it. All the hours and days and months and years of training and repetition, repetition, repetition, he never complained. Not once. He was always on a good mood, always smiling, always undisturbed on his belief that being an astronaut was the coolest thing ever.

She just liked him. He was the best of them. And he always managed to breach through her distance like it wasn't even there.

And now he's here, beaten and broken, and it's her fault. She left him behind.

"It was not your fault."

She jumps at his voice, coming raspy out of the darkness of the medbay. "Jesus."

"Nope. Just Mark. The returned from the dead thing got you fooled, huh?"

She sighs. Smiles. Just Mark. Plain old Mark.

He closes his eyes. His voice is barely a whisper

"I know you, you know. I know you are blaming yourself. It was not your fault. It was just bad luck. You made the right call. "

"Okay", she answers. He's wrong. But his heart is in the right place and she won't fight him on it. "How are you feeling?"

Mark lets out a deep breath. Turns on his side. He's so skinny, she can see every single bone on his shoulder peaking out of his shirt.

"Tired. Actually, supertired." He pauses. "It's funny…. I never felt this tired on Mars. Not like this. I never slept more than five or six hours… and I did a lot of shit. Here, you guys barely let me hold my own spoon and I'm beat."

Lewis smiles. "Well, maybe your body knows you're safe now. You can sleep. We'll watch out for you now."

Mark nods. "Yeah… I think so…"

"Just rest, ok? Your only orders for the foreseeable future will be to sleep and eat. If I have it my way, we'll keep it up once you're back home too. Okay?"

"Okay…"

He seems to be back asleep and she's on her way out, then he's talking again.

"Commander…?"

"Yeah."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Marks takes another deep breath. Opens his eyes.

"Why disco?"

And she's laughing.

Lewis is laughing for the first time since Sol 6. And, of course, he's the only one who could have done it.

"I'm serious!"

She looks at him and he is. She's still smiling, though. "Oh, Mark…"

"I am! You're like… Navy. And tough. Steel in your back and shit. I'd figure I'd be more likely to see you on a blues bar or… well… anything, _but_ disco. Just… makes no sense. Why? Just… why!"

Mark Watney. He just has to make sense of things.

Lewis nears him. Strokes his hair.

"Because it's happy."

Mark just stares.

"Yeah, I'm Navy. I'm tough. I've seen a lot… and you know? Life can be really shitty sometimes, and that was before I started losing people on Mars…"

Mark snorts, she holds her hand up to shush him.

"I've lived in a submarine. I've been to war. I've been under tremendous pressure and I've seen horrible, horrible things that people do to each other. Life is just…. too hard, sometimes. And disco may be silly to you, but it is just pure… happiness. It's always upbeat, it never brings you down. So, when I get to choose my music, I am always going to choose the real happy ones."

Mark is smiling now. Nodding.

Lewis rolls her eyes. "I know you think I'm stupid."

"No," he says. "I get it."

She lifts one eyebrow.

"I do. It's the same reason I wanted to be an astronaut."

"You wanted to be an astronaut because you wanted to be Pete Conrad."

Mark laughs. "That too. But I figured, you know, there's not a single bad thing about this business. Yeah, people screw up sometimes, but it's never on purpose. Everybody, _everybody_ is just doing their best here to take mankind farther and farther. It's all upside."

"Mark, you've been stranded on Mars for one year and a half and you still think that? All upside?"

"Now more than ever," he says.

"How?"

His hands reach out for hers.

"Because you guys came back for me."


End file.
